Behind the Dividing Line
by NonameJane
Summary: Meia was always lost, stumbling alone. But was this the right path? Set before the second stage.
1. Prologue For Her Memory, I Hold Dear

Behind the Dividing Line

By NonameJane

AN- Thought I'd break away from RK for now.

Disclaimer- Me own? No!

Summary- Meia was always lost, stumbling alone. But was this the right path? Set before the second stage.( bear w/ me...my first Vandread fic...)

After all this time, I can't seem to pinpoint where it all began. This reservoir of feeling that has broken loose from the barriers of my soul flooding my being, that leaves my mouth bitter and my stomach churned.

But what is it?

Regret, anger, melancholy?

I don't know, a constant plague to my psyche. Was it her words that had touched me, that had created this maelstrom of chaos in my heart? I can't seem to swallow it, as it seems forever choked in the back of my throat.

My whole life...I've thought my mother was something she wasn't.

All my life, I resented it.

I see that now.

I see it, so clearly.

My own fears...drives...and weaknesses, I saw them embodied in her. Nothing but a crutch for my own insecurities, poisoning my thoughts and blackening my very soul.

But she told me I had a gentle heart, that I was strong.

But was she right?

This life of mine, the one I had once contemplated taking. Is it what she would've wanted, would she be proud of me?

And she wants me to keep living, to survive, to open up and smile freely for those I care about. The ones I have been preventing for so long, to see me, the real me.

I don't know if I can do that.

I can say I'll try, but it means less than nothing. The stigma of 'actions speaking louder than words' more than holds true here. I must take action and move forward, if only at a step at a time. I must let go of the worry of getting hurt.

I'll do my best to unshackle my heart from its constraints and take joy in living.

That much...I can do for her.

AN- Hope that didn't horribly suck. Felt like a plot filler more than anything...I needed to ease my way into this series somehow. Short, sweet, and full of questions. Opinions, anyone?


	2. Through Others, I Can See Myself

Behind the Dividing Line

By NonameJane

AN- Ok. Just watched this episode 4 times in a row, and only one thing in here was repeated from it and that was '..All my life I thought my mother was something she wasn't.' That's it, uno, just one. Watch it yourself 4, no, 5 times in a row if you don't believe me. So, for those of you saying I was 'repeating' the episode, believe your mantra, though it is incorrect. I'm not here to argue, I just want to write.

Anyway, with that said, let's move forward...Here we go!

Disclaimer- Me own? No!

Summary- Meia was always lost, stumbling alone. But was this the right path? Set before the second stage.( bear with me...my first Vandread fic...)

Chapter One- Through Others, I Can See Myself

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

My eyes drift to the window.

The night had set in deep, but you would not know it here. Hours may drift and waste away but, outside, in the interminable cosmos, it always remains barren, caliginous, and just black. The duo of clockwork hands means nothing in terms of time; I think that's what I miss most about my home planet.

The light wasn't artificial there; daytimes shifted, seasons changed and people moved about. This is something that the limitless void of Space, also, lacks: movement, progress, the noticeable onward voyage time delivers to all.

And it is cold. So cold. It lacks the solid, soothing radiance any good environment should have. There is no exuding tangible warmth nor comfort that can be held dear, just the black, again, and silence which arises a yearning feeling that bubbles to the surface; the overwhelming need to get home.

But, we _have_ built a home in this hollowness. We have created a haven to which we anticipate returning to after battle. Not much unlike my mother's ambition.

This ship would be nothing without its occupants; without them, it would fade and merge itself with the smothering mute gloom. I have accepted that now, the bond that I hold cherished in my heart with every single person on board this ship. My home is with them, _they_ are my home.

That makes me, in some ways, wish for us to never reach Mejale. To travel endlessly, and unbound because I know when we reach there; it'll never be the same again.

I slump downward from my position near the window and return to my bed. Sleep hadn't visited me in hours and the fight for slumber had been readily been lost against my own flowing thoughts. My eyes ache, and feel strained, they soon close accordingly.

I really do need my rest, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I awoke with an ample, stinging, pulsating sensation throughout my body. Instinctively, I clutched it loosely and sat up.

Oh, the time..? I reach for my dresser clock: 9 AM, the trouble I had sleeping must've made me doze so late. Sighing, I shook of the remnants of my rest and the dull ache had turned ravenous.

The wound stung and throbbed, but it was not at all surprising. That male doctor, Duerro, had warned me that the Pexis fragment's entry into my body could have its ill effects; psychological and physical. I had faced one, the reminiscences still pinched me painfully in the chest, but the second was the exterior pain I had yet to endure.

Or at least fully yet.

It's almost as if a nefarious poison is coursing through my veins, the extreme spasms of hurt come and go, but the pain always remains, laying in wait to strike once more when least anticipated. He had told me to seek him in such cases; and so I would.

Realizingly, I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot solve everything on my own. It may be a small step to let him assist me, but it is a movement forward, one beforehand that I wouldn't have allowed.

But all great leaps begin with tiny jumps.

I dress myself, despite the ache; it would do no good to leave my room donned in my night wear. Admittedly, it is messy but appearances in such circumstances are hardly a factor. I quickly scurry out of the room...and collide right into someone.

Dita.

I sucked my teeth and must have glared. Noticeably her eyes widen a bit, almost as if expecting an upcoming scolding. I was tempted to smile, after all the mischief she managed to get herself into, she must have received countless.

"...Uh, ah! Meia! Sorry, I didn't see you there, I was just looking for Mr. Alien and then smacked into you and...umm...ah?" Her excusive ramblings cease and her orbs focus on my hunched position.

" Oh, Meia! You're hurt! It's from the other day isn't it?" She pulled my arm around her shoulders offering my body support. "Here, let me help you to the infirmary."

She took no step, as if half-expecting me to refuse. Old feelings of independence and pride festered up inside and I felt like pulling myself from her grasp and denying her assertion. But...

Who, though? Who would I be denying?

The answer was more than evident and I bit my tongue.

" Please?" She muttered, her tone hopeful. That stung deeply, the fact that she pleads for me to allow myself some support; making me feel helpless. Do my crew mates all truly feel this way?

I can see the observable reproach in her form, one of rejection.

" Dita...Thank you for the help but..." I bit my tongue, firmly, for a second time, "I would like that."

She brightened, a wide grin forming on her lips and stepped forward, slowly, holding me.

" Sure thing!"

My inner egoism, my amour propre ached slightly, but I battled that demon from docking to the surface.

Habits are not so easy to quell...

Tiny jumps.

Tiny jumps...

AN#2- I realized writing this, that I am one of two things...A terrible typist, or an even worse speller. Maybe both? Anyway, here's where I'm going with this. The series just seemed to move on without explaining her healing process, the psychological bounds that she had to overcome to begin really to trust and embrace others after her experience with her mother and etc. Hehe, and the awkwardness she would feel doing so. Guess what? I'm here to fill the void.


End file.
